Supporting Your Loved One: What Really Helps (and What Doesn't)

If someone you care about has been battling constant self-criticism, body checking, or feeling less than, it’s not just in their head. Eating disorders and body dysmorphia are recognized conditions that people can recover from, with help.

Here is what you can do, whether or not the person you care about wants to get help to recover:

Do:

*Listen, with respect and sensitivity.

*Tell them you are concerned, that you care, and that you'd like for them to feel better.

*Talk about things other than food, weight, calories, and exercise. 

*Pay attention to your feelings and verbalize them.

*Check your assumptions. Size is not an indicator of health. Fat phobia leads to discrimination.

*Recognize that trained help is needed; this isn't your problem to solve.

*Though very recoverable, eating disorders take time to dismantle. Allow the healing process to take longer than you (or they) wish it would. Growth matters, even in small increments!

*Recognize that some eating disorders can be fatal and require trained help to improve.

Don't:

*Don't try to solve the problem for them. 

*Don't blame them. People don't choose to be riddled with obsessions and compulsions about themselves and food.

*Don't focus on weight, looks, size or portions. 

*Don't comment on size. Though weight loss is often regarded as something to compliment in Western culture, harmful behaviors that promoted weight loss are reinforced when praise is given for it.

*Don't get involved in a power struggle around eating or other symptoms. Eating disorders are about control, so stay out of the controlling tendencies that surround them. 

To learn more about eating disorders, so that you can be informed about what your loved one is experiencing, check out NEDA.