Couples

Communication

Most couples come to me asking for help with communication. I’ve yet to meet a couple without COMMUNICATION on their To-Do list for therapy. That's why it is our first exercise, both in premarital counseling and couples therapy.

“Communication” can mean many different things. It is nearly impossible to listen to someone else’s request when we don’t feel respected, or we feel like the person is AGAINST us. This creates a stalemate with people talking or yelling at each other, giving the silent treatment, or trying other useless efforts like name-calling or sarcasm to get across what they so desperately want to be understood. It takes two to fight.

Conflict Resolution

Often, when couples feel they are in opposition, they aren’t even arguing about the same thing. When you are so intent on trying to convince your partner, you can’t hear anything.

When people want two different things (which is inevitable for two different people attempting to go through life together), it can be difficult to drop your agenda long enough to really hear what your partner is going through.

We will realign the relationship so that each of you remembers that you are ON THE SAME TEAM. When disagreements or injuries happen, you can work together to figure out what has happened, and how to prevent it in the future. This is possible, even when couples are separating and want help to do so respectfully and calmly. It is possible for parents who have separated and want to co-parent effectively. The same principles of being respectful to yourself and the other person are crucial to managing a breakup, a divorce, and even your own personal, individual sanity throughout the process.

Even if only one partner is willing and able to make changes, the relationship will experience a shift.

It used to be that people would go to couples therapy because they couldn’t figure out why their son was not excelling at school. Or because couples disagreed on a major decision and wanted support in finding a solution. Unfortunately nowadays, couples often don’t seek professional help until multiple major disasters have happened and they are considering splitting up. When it has taken multiple traumas to make one or both partners realize they are at rock bottom, finally suggesting, “Maybe we should talk to someone…” it can feel hopeless.

You’d never wait to see a physician until you were on your deathbed! Why wait until you are considering separation to learn the skills needed to improve your relationship’s health?

Your initial Couples Therapy Consultation includes:

Recommendations to improve respect & morale
Identification of individual traits that contribute to conflict in your relationship •Exercises in effective Communication •Behavioral groundwork laid to support deeper work in subsequent meetings •Homework assignments for each partner so that changes continue between meetings

If you are ready and willing, your relationship will experience an immediate shift upon putting into practice what we discover in our initial consultation.