Questions I didn't expect from a potential client...

I've transcribed this interview from a call with a potential new client, because in some ways it caught me off-guard. Minor details have been changed for privacy.

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: This is Kathryn...

Caller: Hi- yeah, I saw on your website that you have group therapy. 

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: I do! I love facilitating my groups. What interests you in doing group work?

Caller: I am not interested at all- my therapist suggested it for me, so I am calling cus he told me to but I am pretty sure it isn't for me. But I figured I would call you because he will ask me about it.

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: Oh! Geez, well- sounds like some pressure is on... Maybe I could tell you a little about the groups, because most of the women who have been in them felt similar to what you are describing before they got started. And, most of the women who have been in the groups have also said that being with other women who want what they want: to learn how communicate more easily, to develop their relationships, or to figure out how to accept their bodies... people say it really helped them feel more calm and even be more productive at work and in their personal relationships. Would you mind sharing a little about what your individual therapist suggested would be helpful to you about group therapy? 

Caller: No-it was my couples therapist- I don't need individual therapy. My boyfriend is in recovery from alcohol and our therapist said I should be in something else, too. He suggested some 12-step thing, but I would rather see a professional if I am going to do anything else. 

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: ah, okay. 

Caller: You said 'accept our bodies' - what do you mean?

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: Well, the women who come to the groups I host have different occupations, different family backgrounds, and different OTHER goals that they are working on- whether in therapy or just on their own. But one thing they have in common is disliking what they see when they look in the mirror or get dressed. Some of the women in groups have or have had eating disorders, but everyone in the group has gone out of their way to change their body because they dislike it so much. Any of that resonate with you?

Caller: Yeah- I used to see a dietitian when I was in high school because I had started throwing up after I started cheer. I don't do that anymore. But I also am always thinking about how I can lose weight. Maybe that's why John suggested your group...

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: 'John' is your couples therapist?

Caller: yeah

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: Well it sounds like you might be a great fit for our groups! 

Caller: But I don't want to talk about loving my body and "I look beautiful" that's gross and I can't make myself do that.

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: No problem, no problem- that's not what this is about. The goal isn't to love how you look. As women, our bodies are different every day- you may love something today that is slightly different tomorrow, so no point in wasting time getting attached to what is constantly changing anyway. The point is to accept the physical package you are in so that you aren't obsessing about it all the time, or feeling shitty about it all the time. It can be kind of distracting, huh?

Caller: yeah, I guess it is.

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: Much of the discussion isn't necessarily about our bodies... we are developing relationships with each other and practicing how we relate and how we interact. Think of it like practicing being in relationships. And what is cool is, as we work on relationships with each other, our relationships with ourselves naturally improves. See what I have found is, when we like ourselves more, we take better care of ourselves, without even trying to- it's just natural. And people who are taken care of have a better chance of looking their best.

Caller: (pause) I guess that makes sense...

Kathryn Gates, LMFT: What other questions can I answer?

Caller: I actually think your group will be really what I need. I don't think I want to do it, but it sounds like it will really help me. 

We went on to discuss logistics of the group and we agreed on a start date for the caller to join her first group meeting. 

Who do you know of who may benefit from developing her relationships, with others and herself? 

Send her this video or schedule a free call.