New Year

I’m so excited to see the year when we get to a new year’s eve and the main message isn’t  “20__ was such a rough year! Thank God it’s over!” Complaining about how awful the last year was may have started before the pandemic (did we do that before COVID changed our lives?). Whenever it started, hating on the past year has sadly maintained popularity as a new year’s perspective in the last handful of years.

And it follows the trend of looking at one’s self this time of year: my previous self was bad, I will make my new self good.

Anyone who has spent time with me in my office knows that cognitive distortions, like all or nothing/black or white thinking, hurt us more than help us. If we want to improve, we have to see nuance.

I love Amber Williams point in her Dec. 27th Austin Chronicle article that “in today’s realm of toxic comparison supercharged by social media influencers, accepting can feel harder than changing.”

Imagine if, instead of looking at all the ways you want to be different, your focus was on looking at what might be worth your allowing it to exist? What if your focus could be on ACCEPTANCE? Feels hard, huh? Counter-cultural, even.

Believe me- I get it. My job is to help people change and improve, and has been for decades, since I worked as a fitness trainer in my 20’s. I know how gratifying the idea is that “I can move beyond this thing that I don’t like.” And thank God it is true that we absolutely CAN change. And I’ve also learned that acceptance is the first step in making change.

The dissociation that comes along with not accepting parts of ourselves (“I can’t look in the mirror cus I’ll hate what I see,” “I don’t want to look at my bank account cus I know it’s overdrawn,” “I’m not gonna look at my relationship with food/exercise/spending/sex because I know I’m not proud of it”) keeps us from doing anything positive. It keeps us from doing anything.

This is why being present, practicing mindfulness, and bringing ourselves more in to the NOW has become such a major wave in psychotherapy and even the larger wellness culture: you can’t change something you are avoiding. When you get present and see what is really there, you have options about how you address what is there.

One way of doing this is spending a couple of minutes looking in the mirror intentionally, but you can also do it with some silence and focus on your breath.

In today’s world of ick comparison amped by tiktok influencers, ACCEPTING SELF can feel WAY harder than changing. But it’s okay to do hard things! What could you resolve to find some acceptance with in your life this year?

NO MAN IS MORE UNHAPPY 

THAN HE WHO NEVER FACES ADVERSITY. 

FOR HE IS NOT PERMITTED TO PROVE HIMSELF.

-SENECA 

Want more New Year’s insights? Check these out:

Maybe You Stop Trying to Undo Your Bad Habits : Stop banging your head against a wall and try this.

This is going to feel awkward: What even iS your comfort zone?

Liking yourself makes you more productive: how is that possible?