How to Choose a Therapist

When you think about professionals you might hire to help you, some are emotionally easier to pick out than others. You have to be vulnerable with your dentist, but there are probably less factors that go in to choosing a dentist than say, a doctor. And the vulnerability with an OBGYN is higher still, since the nature of their care is a bit more personal than a dermatologist, for example.If you ask me, hiring a psychotherapist may be at the top of the list of professionals you will work with where you definitely want a sense of emotional security. 

• I have to feel safe enough to be completely honest with my therapist, or what is the point?
• I have to feel trusting enough that my therapist can actually help me with my problems, or what is the point?
• I have to know my therapist is empathic enough not to judge me, or how can I open up and be honest?
• I have to know my therapist is skilled enough that they will give me more than "that sounds tough," while they nod. OR WHAT'S THE POINT?!

Usually when a potential client calls me for an initial consultation, they tell me a little about what they'd like to be different in themselves or their life and they ask me about scheduling or fees or where my office is located. I suspect that in that brief conversation, they are also getting a sense of what it feels like to talk to me. They are assessing whether they might feel comfortable talking to me more. Our eventual first session will be less of a crapshoot for a new client if they've talked to me already- I am less of an unknown. Talking about the major problems in your life is already hard/scary/depressing- at least if you have a sense of the person you'll be talking about it to, it may feel slightly more doable. 

Once in a great while however, I get questions from potential clients like,

"what therapeutic modalities do you utilize in session?"

or"Can we use CBT?"

And I can't help but wonder, did Chat GPT tell you to ask me that?

If I answer in as clinical of a way as you asked, will it mean anything to you? These aren't bad questions for someone who hasn't studied psychology to ask. And listening to a professional's answer (whether it makes sense to you or not) will give you a sense of how they think about their clients and their work. Listening to how they answer questions like this can help you gauge your willingness to trust them to be your therapist. There are also probably other ways you can get a sense of whether you'd like to work with someone therapeutically.

Here are some considerations, if you chat with a therapist you may want to work with:

-> What is the late cancellation/no show policy? Everyone mixes up schedules now and then. Knowing your therapist has a plan for how this will be handled can help you trust that they are ready for problems as they arise. 

Ask yourself: does their policy feel fair? If they don't enforce their policy, how will that affect your ability to trust their word? Will you be willing to bring this topic up to them?

-> How often will fees increase? The No Surprises Act was created mostly to prevent hospitals from slamming patients with unexpected costs. Since you will be asked to sign a Financial Agreement at the onset of your therapy, there shouldn't be any surprises about what you are expected to pay for your mental health treatment. If it isn't included on the Agreement, you can ask a potential therapist how often and how much fees typically increase. 

Ask yourself: Does the frequency/percentage of increase feel fair to clients? Does it feel fair to the therapist? Is the therapist comfortable talking about money and therefore will I feel safe talking about my issues around money with them, if they come up?

-> Does this therapist diagnose? You may already have a mental health diagnosis, so this may be less relevant to you (20% of us experience mental unwellness each year- it's not as rare as it was historically portrayed). If you are letting insurance pay your therapist, she will be required to tell them what you are working on so they justify paying her. Having a diagnosis also guides treatment. 

Ask yourself: How do I feel about a diagnosis being added to my medical record? Do I want my therapist to talk about my diagnosis with me, or is it easier not to have a "label" for it, as long as I am being helped?

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these. Different people have different opinions about most aspects of therapy. Exploring these ideas may open you up to a more conscious understanding of whether or not a therapist feels like "a good fit," after your first interactions. Keep in mind, it is always okay to let a therapist know you'd like to work with someone different. Your health and growth should be their utmost priority, and your communication about that is important!