Are your thoughts a broken record, a tape, or a compact disk?

What ancient form of audio malfunction is keeping you from your best life

“I listened to the book on tape while I was driving to our session today…It has been really helpful so far!”

My client was in her early 30’s, blond and athletic, and aimed to please others in most areas of her life. She started session with this announcement and I couldn’t help but ask: “Do you really have a tape player in your car?”

She didn’t. She laughed and explained she was just saying “book-on-tape” as an expression to mean she was listening rather than reading the physical book in the traditional format. This was circa 2011, so still plausible, though unusual, for her to be driving a car that could play audio cassette tapes.

Even more archaic than that method of listening, have you heard of records?

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Maybe you have heard someone refer to the “broken records” in your head. This concept, of broken records, is actually super important if we want to be the best we can be-whatever that means. If you want to figure out how to accept yourself, if you want to find a partner who values you, if you want to make more money or enjoy your work life more- it is critical that you not only notice the broken records in your head, but also know what to do with them.

“We get so used to, and so identify with, our broken records that we don’t even notice they exist or that they’re not even real.” ― Jen Sincero

Firstly, broken record does not mean this:

The way records work* is that the tiny needle in the arm of a record player skims over the grooves on the record, playing the recording. Records can very easily get scratched (I guess technically we should be referring to the “scratched records in your head.”) and when they do, the needle repeats the same thing every time the record spins around, rather than playing seamlessly by continuing to trace the grooves in the record as intended. Thus, creating a repeating phrase again and again and again for as long as no one notices that the record is repeating itself.

Until we’ve become mindful enough to notice, we too have phrases repeating again and again and again in our minds, that we haven’t yet noticed.

Unconscious messages may be something like:

“No one will like me as long as I look like this.”

“If I go to the event, no one will talk to me.”

“I always mess up.”

The broken records in your head could also be quite conscious. While there may be messages always underneath your consciousness of feeling not pretty-enough, not skinny-enough, not ___-enough, it is likely you also have very conscious thoughts that are JUST as unhelpful. Clients talk with me about “voices” that shame and berate them, that they’d never ever say to someone else, but they repeat to themselves. When we hear them loud and clear, they are still not easy to manage, but at the very least, we are aware of them.

For today, let’s explore and get curious about the broken records that we get so used to that we don’t even notice them anymore. Here are a few ways to become more cognizant of any broken records playing without your consciousness.

• Decide that you will be intentional about monitoring your thoughts. This is especially important before going to social events or to things that you may find challenging in ways beyond others’ acceptance (like a project at work or trying a new hobby or sport- something where the task itself may not be easy, even before there are others to have an opinion about how well we do at it). Throughout the activity, ask yourself, “what am I thinking right now?” and keep tabs on what happens mentally and emotionally.
• Another way to become more aware of any broken records you have is to, anytime you experience feeling down about yourself, check-in with your thoughts. “What must I have been thinking, in order to feel this way right now?” For those of us who are more feeling-based, we become aware of emotions before we notice the thinking that goes with it. Use the feeling as an indicator that a thought is probably in there (that you weren’t already aware of) to accompany it.
• A regular mindfulness practice is the Golden Standard for increasing your awareness of what is happening inside of you, moment-to-moment. This includes meditation and breath work, but it also includes form-focused movement like tai-chi, ballet, and barre. Anything that requires your intentional focus trains your ability to choose your focus, rather than going on auto-pilot and zoning out. When we zone out, the record can repeat endlessly before anyone has the wherewithal to notice.

Use the coming days to bring your broken record messages to your awareness. We need to know what we repeatedly tell ourselves because these messages keep us locked in whatever reality they are creating.

*Whether you first listened to music on Spotify, an MP3 player, cassette tapes or an 8-track, good luck as you work to identify and take charge of your “broken records.”