and How to Raise Intuitive Eaters Instead

Denise Jorgensen, LPC wrote the following article for JustMind.org. Because I have clients who are trying to make sense of their relationship with food themselves, it can get confusing trying to raise kids without the mixed messages we have internalized. So I am passing on Denise's article. Feel free to print it using the link at the bottom and share it with others!

Raise your hand if you grew up hearing, ‘You don’t get dessert until you finish your dinner.’ Turns out, that seemingly harmless phrase may have taught more about shame than satiety.

Most of us were raised in a world of food rules—earn your dessert, avoid the “bad stuff,” and always be mindful of your weight. These beliefs were often rooted in love, but they’ve also led to generations of people struggling with food guilt, chronic dieting, and a disconnection from our natural hunger cues.

A 2010 study published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association found that children who practiced intuitive eating were less likely to binge or emotionally eat by adolescence.

The good news? It’s never too late to break the cycle.

Here are five common food myths many of us learned growing up—and what we can do differently to raise kids who are confident, intuitive eaters.

If I don’t diet, I’ll gain weight.

The Truth:

Restrictive dieting is not a sustainable way to manage weight—and can actually lead to weight gain over time. In contrast, intuitive eating—a practice that encourages tuning into your body’s natural hunger and fullness signals—is associated with greater weight stability. People who allow more flexibility around food tend to have a lower body mass and, more importantly, experience more joy and satisfaction in eating.

For Our Kids:

Rather than teaching children to restrict, help them trust their bodies. Support their ability to recognize hunger, fullness, and satisfaction. Modeling a relaxed and non-judgmental approach to food sets them up for long-term well-being.

If I stop controlling what my kids eat, they’ll become unhealthy.

The Truth:

The real health risk may be the stress and anxiety around food—not the food itself. Studies show that intuitive eating is linked to better outcomes like improved blood pressure and cholesterol compared to chronic dieting and weight cycling. Teaching kids to fear certain foods or constantly “watch” what they eat can be more harmful than helpful.

For Our Kids:

Shift the focus from “eating perfectly” to eating peacefully. A healthy mindset around food encourages lifelong wellness habits—like moving their body for joy and eating a variety of foods—without the emotional burden.

To keep my kids from craving junk, I need to keep it out of the house.

The Truth:

The more forbidden a food is, the more power it holds. When kids are constantly denied certain foods, they tend to become obsessed with them—and are more likely to overeat when they finally get the chance. This can lead to guilt, sneaking food, and disconnection from hunger cues.

For Our Kids:

The goal isn’t to ban “fun” foods—it’s to normalize them. When kids are regularly exposed to all types of foods, they’re more likely to self-regulate. They learn that cookies are just cookies—not a prize, a sin, or a secret indulgence.

You need to finish your veggies to earn dessert.

The Truth:

Using dessert as a reward teaches kids that sweets are the ultimate prize—and that healthy foods are the chore. Worse, it encourages them to override their natural fullness just to get to the “good stuff.”

For Our Kids:

Consider offering dessert alongside the meal or letting them enjoy it regardless of what else they ate. This takes dessert off the pedestal, teaches kids to listen to their body, and helps keep food neutral—not good or bad, just food.

I need to watch my child’s weight to protect them.

The Truth:

Weight-focused parenting can backfire. Children who feel scrutinized for their body size are at higher risk for low self-esteem, disordered eating, and decreased physical activity. When kids feel accepted as they are, they’re more likely to make healthy choices.

For Our Kids:

Celebrate what their body can do, not what it looks like. When weight is viewed as a normal and natural part of development, kids are more likely to grow into confident, active, and emotionally resilient people. Let their doctors track growth while you focus on fostering a positive body image and a respectful relationship with food.

Breaking the Cycle: What You Can Do Now

Rewriting the narrative around food isn’t always easy—especially when these myths are deeply ingrained. But every time you choose connection over control, permission over punishment, and trust over fear, you’re helping your child build a lifelong foundation of health, happiness, and self-trust. Some days you’ll panic about sugar. That’s okay. Progress isn’t perfect, it’s consistent permission and compassion over time.

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